A young scholar, by the name of Fred Durst, once said:

“Give me something to break”

In regards to his trial and tribulations which we can all surely can relate, he explained:

“I pack a chainsaw. I'll skin your ask raw”, adding, “if my day keeps going this way, I just might break your fun loving face tonight.”

Mr. Durst’s request was clear:

He wanted something to break. 

Whether you’d like to admit it or not, we all like breaking stuff. Especially when it’s on our terms and it’s not something priceless, irreplaceable, or costs us our hard earned skrilla. 

I have a priceless proposition:

Come break some stuff, on the house, with any purchase, at A House of Pots, where the broken pots flow like the salmon of Capistrano. 

No, I won’t let you break valuable inventory, unless you pay for it in advance and insist on shattering it here and now. 

Rather, I have rather large reserves of unsellable planters that you can smash and destroy at your leisure; permitted you let me film you doing as much, likely in slow motion. 

Slow motion, for me. Slow motion. Breaking free pottery ain't Juvenile, you'll see, you’ll see. 

Yes, I’ll use these videos and your likeness for my business’ benefit, but who cares, because you’ll be breaking sh!t. 

Break up with your expectations of what shopping for plants and pottery can be, because here, at a House of Pots, in North Denver, off Highway 36, open Friday, Saturday, and Sunday from 12 to 6, we make all the rules; and it’s you, not O’Doyle, who rules. 

A House of Pots

1620 w 74th way, Denver, CO 80221

Friday through Sunday (for now)

From 12 to 6

Dress in your Sunday best, or whatever you wear on a Saturday, and be prepared to get your Limp Bizkit on at the one and only A House of Pots. 

Be sure to come correct with creative ideas for smashing ceramics and there’s no way I’ll look at you with a glazed look in my eyes. If you’re confused with how this all works, feel free to reach me at:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >>

- or - 

@ahouseofpots

You can certainly locate my place of business, A House of Pots, without contacting me, but if you have any questions at all, you and Mr. Durst would be well advised to reach out in advance with your inquiry. 

A word to the wise, I don’t care if you’re into Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, it’s unwise to show up unannounced Monday through Thursday without Googling my hours first, because chances are I’m not going to be there. This will drastically limit your ability to lawfully break things. 

But if you must, break things Monday through Thursday, or at a time that is during my off hours, feel free to show up to any of my legitimate competition’s places of business and rage on their dime from time to time. I’m talking Harm Depot, Blows, Y’all Mart, that little old’s lady’s estate sale, that rando from Facebook, or even that cute little plant shop you’ve been talking about. 

Just show up, break something, reference Limp Bizkit, and keep on rollin’, rollin’, rollin’. What?

Obviously, you need to articulate your interest in breaking things here before doing as much, but I promise you, I can accommodate. I can also accommodate each and every gardener in Colorado with great pots, broken or unbroken, because I buy more than anyone in the State. 

Fred Durst and his hot dog water ain’t got sh!t on me. 

Haters might try to sh!t on me because I’m not giving enough away for free. If you count yourself among these unfortunate few, come on down, and let my customers throw any of these free items at you from a close distance:

Rocks

Debris

Pallet wood

Garbage

Broken pots

Terracotta shards

The cute little potted succulents we give to kids

Dead plants

Assorted cuttings

Insults

Cardboard

Styrofoam (you wimp)

I don’t know, I’m sure we can find something that costs zero that we toss in your direction. 

The main reason I justify the free moniker adorning my sales posts is because I do offer all kinds of free things and services. There’s bulk discounts, cash discounts, free potting services, small amounts of soil for your plants, extra add ons, so on and so forth. In short, buy enough things, and I’ll likely include free pottery, which may or may not be jettisoned at the faces of our enemies. Most customers and visitors tend to get hooked up here, but if you’re just coming to hate, we can surely provide a free face lift with an impromptu Bizkit blitzkrieg, if you’re so willing. 

Pottery mostly costs between $1 and $100 here with terracotta is as low as $0.50. Handmade ceramics and painted Talavera cost more per inch, but we’ll go over the prices of every item you like in person. 

If you’re only looking for the lowest priced items, there’s plenty of value glazed planters to choose from, and dinged or blemished items are heavily discounted. Just let me know that’s what you’re looking for and I’ll break you off some knowledge. 

I had a breakdown with plants earlier in the year. I came to the realization that they just weren’t making me enough profit and not worth the effort, even if I wanted that to be the case. I’ve taken an about face, because I’m about them in this space, and have a substantial sized order en route from California. There will be plenty of philodendron, succulents, pothos, strings of things,  dracaena, zz plants, and assorted house plants ranging between $5 to $25. 

Ask me if the plant delivery has arrived. 

I’ll be intentionally pricing my plants far below market rates to serve as incentive, or bait if you will, to lure potential customers to my place of business; much like my offer to star in your own pottery breakage videos. The catch is that it’s fcuking gonna work, big time. 

I’m not sure whatever essential components to a sales post I might be missing at this point, so let me feed you some pottery jargon in the time being:

Lakewood, climbing, estate sale, planter, plant stand, Arvada, Parker, running, philodendron, mcm, Centennial, succulents, Castle Rock, pots, Wheat Ridge, Erie, garden, plant shop, pottery shop, fishing, grow aloe, monstera, Broomfield, Greeley, ceramic, cactus, pottery near me, red clay, pot, Louisville, Golden, plants, tree, gardens, Boulder, pottery shop near me, planters, Fort Collins, pots near me, cement, succulent, vegetable box, green greenhouse, Thornton, ceramics, gardener, pottery store near me, jargon, pottery barn, Westminster, cacti, Federal Heights, yard sale, Superior, terracotta, pottery, holder, gardening, Brighton, Longmont, Loveland, garage sale, trees, plant store near me, Aurora, hiking, Denver, Littleton, porcelain, stoneware, plant, plants near me, Commerce City, Northglenn,

If you’re still having a hard time understanding what’s going on, those are search terms, and this is the best pottery business in Denver, nay, Colorado, nay, the universe. Universally speaking, I’m the pot game’s Fred Durst, and you better know I know it’s all about the nookie. 

So sit back, relax, load some Bisquick into your iPod shuffle, and realize I get down to biz quick. 

Hey, what the hell, what you want me to say? I won't lie that I can't deny. I did it all for the nookie. (Come on) I ain’t no rookie. (Come on) so you can come take a lookie. 

*** and stick it up your (yeah) [or come break some pots] Pick it up, yours, yeah! ***

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