8/20/22 - Take a Pot, Break Some Pots - Pottery and Plants for Sale

A young scholar, by the name of Fred Durst, once said:

“Give me something to break”

In regards to his trial and tribulations which we can all surely can relate, he explained:

“I pack a chainsaw. I'll skin your ask raw”, adding, “if my day keeps going this way, I just might break your fun loving face tonight.”

Mr. Durst’s request was clear:

He wanted something to break.

Whether you’d like to admit it or not, we all like breaking stuff. Especially when it’s on our terms and it’s not something priceless, irreplaceable, or costs us our hard earned skrilla.

I have a priceless proposition:

Come break some stuff, on the house, with any purchase, at A House of Pots, where the broken pots flow like the salmon of Capistrano.

No, I won’t let you break valuable inventory, unless you pay for it in advance and insist on shattering it here and now.

Rather, I have rather large reserves of unsellable planters that you can smash and destroy at your leisure, permitted you let me film you doing as much, likely in slow motion.

Slow motion, for me. Slow motion. Breaking free pottery ain't Juvenile, you'll see.you’ll see.

Yes, I’ll use these videos and your likeness for my business’ benefit, but who cares, because you’ll be breaking sh!t.

Break up with your expectations of what shopping for plants and pottery can be, because here, at a House of Pots, in North Denver, off Highway 36, open exclusively on the weekends, 11-6, Saturday and Sunday, we make all the rules, and it’s you, not O’Doyle, who rules.

Come correct with creative ideas for smashing ceramics and there’s no way I’ll look at you with a glazed look in my eyes.

Just ask me for my address, and dress in your Sunday best, or whatever you wear on a Saturday, and be prepared to get your Limp Bizkit on:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >>

- or -

@ahouseofpots

You can certainly locate my place of business without contacting me, but if you have any questions at all, you and Mr. Durst would be well advised to reach out in advance with your inquiry.

A word to the wise, I don’t care if you’re into Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, it’s unwise to show up unannounced M-F, because chances are I’m not going to be there and that’s going to drastically limit your ability to lawfully break things.

But if you must, break things on a Monday through Friday that is, feel free to show up to any of my legitimate competition’s places of business and rage on their dime from time to time. I’m talking Harm Depot, Blows, Y’all Mart, that little old’s lady’s estate sale, that rando from Facebook, or even that cute little plant shop you’ve been talking about.

Just show up, break something, reference Limp Bizkit, and keep on rollin’, rollin’, rollin’. What?

Obviously, you need to articulate your interest in breaking things here before doing as much, but I promise you, I can accommodate. I can also accommodate each and every gardener in Colorado with great pots, broken or unbroken, because I buy more than anyone in the State.

Fred Durst and his hot dog water ain’t got sh!t on me.

Haters might try to sh!t on me because I’m not giving enough away for free. If you count yourself among these unfortunate few, come on down, and let my customers throw any of these free items at you from a close distance:

Rocks

Debris

Pallet wood

Garbage

Broken pots

Terracotta shards

The cute little potted succulents we give to kids

Dead plants

Assorted cuttings

Insults

Cardboard

Styrofoam (you wimp)

I don’t know, I’m sure we can find something that costs zero that we toss in your direction.

The main reason I justify the free moniker adorning my sales posts is because purchases of two or more items merit healthy cash discounts. Buy enough things, and I’ll include free pottery, which may or may not be jettisoned at the faces of our enemies. Most customers and visitors tend to get hooked up here, but if you’re just coming to hate, we can surely provide a free face lift with an impromptu Bizkit blitzkrieg, if you’re so willing.

Pottery costs between $1 and $150 here by and large, with the vast majority falling between $10 and $100. Terracotta is as low as $0.50 and an 18” clay pot costs just $35.

There’s plenty of value glazed planters to choose from, and dinged or blemished items are heavily discounted.

The heavier the plant, the larger it likely is, and likely costs more, but nearly all my cacti, succulents, pothos, philodendron, dracaena, zz plants, house plants, and what have you cost $5 to $45.

I intentionally price my plants low to serve as incentive, or bait if you will, to lure potential customers to my place of business; much like my offer to star in your own pottery breakage videos.

I’m not sure whatever essential components to a sales post I might be missing at this point, so let me feed you some pottery jargon in the time being:

Loveland, cement, Louisville, gardens, ceramic, Greeley, Boulder, running, gardening, philodendron, tree, Littleton, cacti, estate sale, Westminster, grow aloe, yard sale, garden, terracotta, monstera, Lakewood, Federal Heights, Thornton, plants, Aurora, planter, Parker, Erie, pottery, Longmont, mcm, Commerce City, climbing, Fort Collins, Golden, Superior, Centennial, hiking, stoneware, Wheat Ridge, green greenhouse, garage sale, cactus, planters, porcelain, plant, Brighton, ceramics, Denver, trees, succulent, Broomfield, gardener, pots, succulents, pot, vegetable box, red clay, Castle Rock, fishing, jargon, pottery barn, holder, plant stand, Arvada, Northglenn,

If you’re still having a hard time understanding what’s going on, those are search terms, and this is the best pottery business in Denver, nay, Colorado, nay, the universe. Universally speaking, I’m the pot game’s Fred Durst, and you better know I know it’s all about the nookie.

So sit back, relax, load some Bisquick into your iPod shuffle, and realize I get down to biz quick.

Hey, what the hell, what you want me to say? I won't lie that I can't deny. I did it all for the nookie. (Come on) I ain’t no rookie. (Come on) so you can come take a lookie.

*** and stick it up your (yeah) [or come break some pots] Pick it up, yours, yeah! ***