Oh Mama … 

My business just got killled again. Compliance put a gunn against my head, couldn’t lift a finger, now it’s dead. 

Mamaaaa, pottery life had just begun, but now I’m discounting so I don’t have to throw it all away.

Maaaaaaammmaaaaa, ooooooooh, didn't mean to make them cry. If I'm not back selling pottery this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on as if having the best prices on planters doesn't really matter.

(Press play on the the video below and keep reading)

(Press play on the the video above keep reading)

It’s not too late, even though my time has come. Closing shop sends shivers down my spine, body's aching from lifting pottery all the time. Goodbye, everybody, these planters have got to go. Gotta leave all the pots behind and face the truth. 

Maaaaaaammmaaaaa, ooooooooh (any way the wind blows)

I don't want these pots to die, but I sometimes wish this business had never been born at all.

(epic guitar solo)

(proceeded by rhythmic piano solo)

Even Mr. Mercury would agree, you’ve got come see The Mother of All Pottery Liquidation Sale before it and all these great pots are all gone. 

Now before we get ahead of ourselves, there’s going to be lots of great pots to purchase for months to come at A House of Pots:

A House of Pots

1620 w 74th way Denver CO 80221

Tuesday through Sunday from 12 to 6

(The shopkeep is a habitual truant, a real Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango, if you will; so show up 20 minutes after whatever time Google says he’s open at to avoid waiting, thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me)

(Galileo) 

Galileo

(Galileo) 

Galileo, how low can his prices go, Galileo Figaro, magnifico?

Poor boys from poor families can expect discounts of 25% to 50% off all regular retail prices, and in some cases even more. 30% to 40% is the sweet spot though. 

Terracotta pots and trays that are 14 inches and smaller are two for the price of one (effectively 50% off when purchasing two identical pots). The same applies to clay saucers as well. 

Handmade glazed Mexican cylinders are some of the nicest items we have in store, and while they’re still not cheap, relative to terracotta pots or various plastic planters, I’m still offering up to $120 off sets with saucers. Prices on the cylinders are as follows:

18" pot and tray - $120 off - from $310 to $190 - $140 no tray

15" pot and tray - $75 off - from $225 to $150 - $110 no tray

12" pot and tray - $50 off - from $140 to $90 - $80 no tray

10" pot and tray - $40 off - from $105 to $65 - $55 no tray

8" pot and tray - $25 off - from $75 to $50 - $40 no tray

6" pot and tray - $20 off - from $55 to $35 - $30 no tray

Far and away, these stylish cylinders are the most expensive items left, and once they’re mostly gone, I’ll be able to transition the whole store to a two-for-one model, though we’re not there just yet. 

So why is this the Mother of All Pottery Liquidation Sales? Well, Mother’s Day is this Sunday, 5/12/24, so it couldn’t hurt to get both the plant mothers and biological moms involved in the marketing for good measure. 

Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia, this is the Mother of All Pottery Liquidation Sales because there’s just such an incredible amount of high quality pottery available at un-Denver like discounts.  

Ooh? 

Yeah. 

Ooh? Yeah!

Once you visit, you’re sure to ask, “is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?”

You’ll realize that you’re caught in a pottery landslide with no escape from reality. At A House of Pots, when you open your eyes, you’ll look up to the skies and see so much pottery there will be no sympathy from code enforcement for pottery pushing poor boy. 

Alas, because pottery is easy come, easy go, little high, little low, I’ll give anyone a free clay pot if they tell me the secret pass code:

“Mamma mia, mamma mia, let me go. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.”

- or -

Just ask me for the daily “mother’s day special” special, because every day deserves to be a day you honor your mother by receiving a free terracotta pot at A House of Pots. 

Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me. But if I’ve left you confused, feel free to contact me at:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >> 

- or - 

@ahousofpots

You might be thinking, “could this guy be any more Bohemian?” I’ll spare you the rhapsody. 

See, nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters. 

Nothing really matters, to me, so I’ll give you all of the following for free:

Terracotta for your children

Discounts for paying with cash

Freddy Mercury poise and ing

Promotional Mother’s Day terracotta pottery

Broken pottery past the point of sale

Clay kibbles n’ bits

Humorous pottery bits

Potting services

Fists full of planting mix

Insights as to why I’m closing shop

Tours of the property’s murhder basement / calzone (kihll zone)

Extra pots if I like you

Rocks

Pallets while supplies last

Nursery pots while supplies last

Resin planters

Liquidation discounts

Enough styrofoam to feed your family

Sweet, delicious styrofoam (the white flavor)

Discarded cardboard

Enough pottery jargon to feed your family

Did someone say p. Jargon?

Should I spare them this monstrosity?

Pottery jargon is easy. Come. Easy. Go. 

Will you let me go? Will you let A House of Pots go out of business?

Denver plant community:

No, we will not let you go.

(Let him go?)

We will not let you go. 

(Ian: Is that so?)

We will not let you go.

(Ian: You must let me go)

People who need the best prices on great pottery:

We will not let you go 

(Ian: Ok, let me go get you that pottery jargon)

Pottery jargon:

Federal Heights and Fred Merc. Arvada and any way the wind blows. Green greenhouse garden gardening and goodbye everybody. Terracotta planter plant stand and I pulled a trigger. Fort Collins, is this just fantasy? Aurora, I need no sympathy. Red clay and porcelain planters at the pottery shop with a side of thunderbolt and lightning. Northglenn, Centennial, and Greeley want cactus and pots near me, but nothing really matters to me. Plant shop hiking for plants, mcm ceramic succulent holders and Scaramouche. Wheat Ridge, Brighton and Lakewood are fishing for pots the size of trees, but all that’s left is 40,000 small and midsize planters that leave my body aching all the time. Garage sale cacti, ceramics for philodendron, and a plant store near me are dangerous for this poor boy from a poor family. Westminster, Longmont, and Thornton see a little silhouetto of a man, a cement gardener climbing Galileo gardens. Estate sale running, jargon, pottery barn, really matters, nothing. Erie pot to grow aloe (let me go). Plant and pottery store near me, Louisville Loveland, Superior, Broomfield, and Figaro, magnifico. Pottery near me, a vegetable box in Commerce City for mia mommy. Plants near me are getting low, I let them go, but stoneware a stone’s throw from Golden Beelzebub put aside for me. Succulents, a Boudler tree, and a pottery shop near me,  just a poor boy from a poor family. People from the Littleton, Castle Rock, Denver, and Parker yard sale crowd, spare me from a life of monstera monstrosity pottery. And that’s how you pottery jargon a la Freddy Mercury.

I’m closing my store, but if I sell enough, I might open up elsewhere once more. So if you want liquidation pricing in Denver for good, be sure to show up and never let me go. 

Never, never, never, never let me go.

No.

No, no.

No, no, no. 

No.

Easy?

Come … 

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