5/8/21 - Plant Mother’s Day Pottery Sale - Get Her to the Mom Zone

Moms. Don’t you love them? I know I do. But did you know, they don’t have to have baby children to be mothers?

No taxable dependents are necessary to become a plant mother, and if you or your significant other hasn’t become a plant mother again in the past 24 hours, I suggest you do something about that.

Hey there Denverado, I’m Ian and I say lean into cliché and buy that special plant mother in your life a shit load of items this weekend, like a bunch of pots and plants.

Forget your preexisting Mother’s Day or future plans. You’re looking for a cornucopia of ceramic pottery and spectacular house plants instead. For marketing purposes, I’m calling this place The Mom Zone, and it’s just the place lil’ plant daddies and mommies alike have been looking for.

All this good stuff can be found in North Denver in the Sherrelwood neighborhood. It’s right off Highway 36 and the Pecos exit, but do yourself a favor and message for the address in advance if you’ve never visited before.

Feel free to call:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >>

or find:

@ahouseofpots

If you have visited before, you know that this is a land of wonder and bounty, and that on top of low, low prices, I like to give better prices on bundles of two or more items with purchase.

Here at the Mom Zone, you’ll find all kinds of trinkets. Pots range from $2 to $80 and most plants are $5 to $50. There’s cacti, a succulent or two, pothos, monstera, glazed ceramics, terracotta, concrete planters, and more.

If you’re interested in visiting, I’m available from 10 p.m. to 7 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays; and, beginning in May, which is when Mother’s Day was the last time I checked, I’m offering regular hours from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. on Wednesdays and Fridays until things start to get chilly later in the year.

To repeat, for all you plant parents out there, I do have regular weekday hours available now where no appointment is needed.

Most people also don’t know that I have an appointment scheduler available for those who’d like a reminder, but a good plant mom always knows when it’s time for more regardless.

Surely there's some dude who’s not a plant mother or hardly even a plant daddy dying to know what I’m giving away for free, and, as always, there’s plenty. Take your pick from:

Stories about why I’d be a terrible mother

Tales told about why I’m thankful for my children’s mother

Plant rescues you can mother

Pallets, I think, or something other

Broken terracotta you can break some more

Terracotta for kids

Getting out of the house with your family

Secret handshakes with a cactus

#B4B

Loosely bagged garbage for garbage attitudes

More pottery jargon

Pottery jargon?

==== Feel free to stop reading ====

pot·ter·y jar·gon

1: the technical terminology or characteristic idiom of special entities, Ian Bramlett and A House of Pots

2: obscure and often pretentious garden language marked by circumlocutions and long sentences to enhance post searchability

3: confused unintelligible language that probably has something to do with pottery

4: why are you still reading this; for the love of all that is decent, stop reading, and take a moment to see what you can do for a plant mother for a change

==== I mean I told you it was jargon, such jargon that I’m reusing last week’s, basically ====

Oh Momma. So you’ve got plants climbing out of your glazed pots that you got a a yard sale and there’s so much extra you don’t even know where to begin potting. Stop, I’ve got a bargain for you better than free with purchase, a deal that’s more satisfying than a gardener with their outdoor tablet, and the value I’ve been fishing for: you surrendering your pachypodium, planters, macetas, euphorbia, house plants, ceramics, and more for a good cause. Price hiking is a real thing and costs are racing upwards everywhere but the exterior of my backyard. Instead of starting a new vegetable starter, planting new flowers, or just enjoying the outdoors with your family, you could give me your valuables instead. Please don’t safely surrender your baby though, I can’t watch them while you’re on holiday. Should this transpire, I’m going to put this child to work running my xeriscape landscaping. No, your surrendered son won’t be spending his time biking the burbs of Sherrelwood, and there’s no garage for them to sleep in; and yes, I might trade him for a laptop or real nice Gainey planter. But if you treat your little Alejandro Galaza like a set of discarded tires, are you surprised to find I don’t dig you abandoning a 36 year old on my property? If we made a trade for this abandoned person over a series of deals, maybe for some green, a tree, a couch, some cold tolerant landscape cacti, or a decorative maceta, then I guess I inherited this person by design. I promise not to give him the vegetables he needs to grow though. There will be no fruit, yucca flower, or Italian herbs for him to much on. I’m taking away his iphone. He won’t be given a garden bed to sleep in, or be granted access to the home. For water, he’ll need to learn how to process cactus from the land like a good mile high desert nomad. When not gardening the outside of my estate with surplus ceramic pottery, trees, and a clay container or eight, your abandoned manchild can lift weights by pushing around any cheap planter container I point at, having a ball in the 5280 moving my local deck décor from once side of the house to another. So if you’re going to surrender a baby, I request it be one that I can barter a laptop for, and not just some shit grandson you’re leaving behind for a life as an unglorified nursery planter. If you don’t have plants or pots to give, I much prefer cash or check instead of the grandchild with a checkered past.

Here’s that new thing I’m doing. Mandatory Portuguese:

Patinho = little duck

I’ve done this before, and I’ll do this again. Just for fun, here are some assorted distances of how far you’ll need to drive to come give me things at the shop in Sherrelwood (0 mi.).

UNDER 5 MILES to give me things: Federal Heights (2 mi.), Westminster (2.5 mi.), Thornton (5 mi.), and Commerce City (5 mi.).

UNDER 10 MILES to provide me resources: Northglenn (6 mi.), Arvada (6.5 mi.), Denver (8 mi.), and Broomfield (9 mi.).

UNDER 20 MILES to donate your plants: Superior (13 mi.), Louisville (13 mi.), Lafayette (14 mi.), Golden (14 mi.), Lakewood (14 mi.), Aurora (14-25 mi.), Littleton (18 mi.), Boulder (20 mi.)

UNDER 30 MILES to gift a large planter: Erie (21 mi.), Centennial (23 mi.), Longmont (26 mi.)

OVER 30 MILES to give what you’ve got to give: Parker (32 mi.), Castle Rock (37 mi.), Loveland (45 mi.), Greeley (57 mi.), Fort Collins (58 mi.).

*** Call your mother. ***