11/22/24 - I Can Sell You Pottery This Fall but I Still Can’t Have Seggs with You + Plants 

If there’s anyone who understands the power of pots, it’s me, the Potsman. 

And if there’s one thing that I know, it’s that it doesn’t matter if you’re gaay, straight, man, woman, young, old, married, or single; because everyone fcuks with pots. 

Because of this universal truth, sadly, we can never be. 

You see, if you come to my place business, 

A House of Pots

1620 w 74th way Denver CO 80221

(Friday through Sunday from 12 to 6) < - - - { for now }

, odds are that you’re going to give me money (for pottery or plants). After you see what I can do and that I have all the pots times a thousand or two, you might start feeling some type of way. 

While the combination of these two, me selling you things and you giving me money, is always a good thing; I’ll be frank, it’s not good for our chances. 

You see, no matter how attractive you are or how much we’re vibing, as soon as it’s clear that you’re going to be a paying customer, I just can’t bring myself to mix business and pleasure. You can shop at your leisure, but when you do, it’s inevitable that money will change hands. 

While I will indeed grow fond of you for doing this, this outcome eliminates any potential for bumping and grinding that we could have otherwise enjoyed. 

Why so hasty? Why can’t this be you might ask? It’s elementary my dear. Because taking your money and the time to tap that azz would make me no better than a common harlot. 

When you give me money for pots and we do the seggs after, it makes me no better than an average American gigolo. And believe you me, I’m no Richard Geer mother fcuker. 

I’m better. And you better recognize. 

I want you to want me for the man that I am, my smokin’ hot bod, and the fact that I can ask Rudy to join in, not just because I’m rich with great pots and low, low prices. 

Shhh shhhh shhhhh shhh

I know this is difficult. 

Likely upsetting as well. 

You can reach out to talk about it:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >> 

- or - 

@ahouseofpots

If you hadn’t gathered that I’m selling my pottery and not my body, feel free to Google my place of business:

A House of Pots

1620 w 74th way Denver CO 80221

Open Friday through Sunday from 12 to 6. (Though I anticipate more days of operation soon-ish)

Feel free to think any way you’d like to about this information, and take me up on any of the following:

Free literature

Freedom of expression

Free misconception 

Free anticipation

Free joy

Free Mothafcukin Willy

Free potting of your selected plant

Free planting in the pot you select

Free transplanting of cacti into pots

Free nursery planters on occasion 

Free rescue plants occasionally

Free cardboard and other discard, generally

Free pallets quite often

Free empty beer cans when I’m finished 

Free pass with your wife? Try me after I’ve emptied a few of those beer cans

I see the way you’ve been looking at me, Swan. I get it. You need to get some, and I’ve got the goods that you seek. Come on down you bad little daddy man and I’ll show you what a temptress like myself can tempt with, in the form of pots and discount plants. 

Yeah baby, it’s going to be so good for you. Show me how strong those muscles are by picking up some heavy pots. Move those 27 lb  bags of soil around my yard. You really are a dirty little white boi, aren’t you? And you’re baaad. 

I can see you now. 5-foot-7. Rippling delts. Faded polo shirt. Fcuking dirty little mustache. You work hard and you play harder. That’s what’s making this so difficult. 

I know we’re capable of making this work. You can buy all the pots and I can bite off a piece of that ax. But axe me this. What happens if we fall in love?

That’s too far. You have a family. I have a family. It can never be. 

No. I can’t have seggs with you Mr. Caleb Roddy, formerly of Denver. It would just be too painful. 

Considering our love affair, I’m not even sure that selling you pottery makes sense at this point anymore, which is a shame because I have the best prices in town. 

You know what? Fcuk it. 

Yeah I can sell you some pots but I can’t have seggs with you.

Time for p.jargon:

I wanna get up in your vegetable box Castle Rock. I’m north near Northglenn as the pottery store near me that’s also been that plant store near me overwhelmed with pottery. Thornton, it’s time to garden. Wheat Ridge, you need to yard sale and rummage for succulents and ceramics. Loveland, Superior, Louisville, and Erie, come running for this red clay. Houseplant lovers of Lakewood, drive towards Boulder and look for the house plant house arranged like a garage sale, but it’s more like a succulent estate sale aimed to help you grow aloe. Prices at pottery shop near me are never hiking and we’ve got the best pots this side of Arvada, Longmont, Littleton, and Greeley on account of all these fabulous ceramic pots near me. 

If you see more cacti, a cement pot holder, or just a home that’s like a green greenhouse beyond  Fort Collins or Aurora, come see these plants near me. I’ve got the jargon, pottery barn for everyone fishing new additions to their gardens in Denver whether it’s money trees, a new snake plant, or exotic house plants to compliment simple stoneware. Gardening in Golden, Broomfield, or Federal Heights isn’t complete without a visit to the best plant shop for cheap monstera, more porcelain than all of Brighton, and plenty of philodendron + pottery near me. Westminster, Centennial, and Parker, come climbing toward me for that planter turned plant stand made from terracotta that doubles and planters for cactus that’s needed by every gardener in Commerce City. 

Shhh shhhh shhhhh shhh lover boi.

I’ll give you up to 50% off your plants if you ask me nicely. 

*** If this makes you feel some type of way, call me your Rich Homie, because like Sade, I’m a smooth operator (who can’t have seggs with you, bro) ***